Two things got me started about thinking about those days:

1) I had a dream the other night where I saw all the people I had ever met. I even hugged my eighth grade teacher, who seemed very mad at me until I apologized to him, but I can't remember what for.

2) Mark told me that he hung out with Andrea, a girl from grade school who I had a pretty big crush on for a long time. Apparently she asked about me.

Anyway, I was pretty nerdy back then. Loserly is a better word for it. Smart as all hell, but completely inept in social situations.

In general, I guess I haven't changed much. As least I'm not loserly anymore, and the nerdyness evolved into geekiness (which is significantly more useful and respected), but I'm still . . . not ANTI-social, but . . . kind of . . . NON-social. Awkward in social situations.

You know, now that I think about it . . . hmm. See, I thought it was weird that -anybody- from those days would ask about whatever happened to me. But, I guess it kind of makes sense. Much as I hate to acknowledge it -now-, it was probably out of a pity thing. Lots of things happened to me in those eight years, and I imagine people had this image burned into their minds of this fragile, unstable kid. To be honest, I enjoyed the attention that I got when something would 'happen' to me, and I loved playing the victim. I loved the sympathy. I was pretty fucked up, and I was pretty dramatic about it.

I guess I should be embarrassed rather than flattered and intrigued -- it wasn't "How's Nick? He was pretty cool", it was more likely "Christ, remember Nick? Oh my god, right? Does anybody still talk to him? You -do-?"

See, this is why I'm so devoted to reconnecting with people I knew from before. I'm ready to start over and leave all that bullshit behind. I'm tired of being defined by my failures, and it's about damn time that I made up with everybody.

Hmm. Now I kind of wonder about what the reactions of people would be if I just called them out of the blue. I'm on the fence about actually doing it, though, so I'd need some peer pressure to get me started.